There is no “JUST” in Adoption

The morning we found out that B.B. King had passed away our son became a Blues lover.  We have Pandora playing in his nursery most of the time, and that morning was no different.  After hearing of his death, my husband created a new Blues station to listen to, and Ace went from crying to just enjoying the music in seconds.  And we haven’t looked back.  Sure we change up the stations now and then, put on a Disney show-tunes melody, rock out to some old school rap, and relax to lullabies.  But our go-to station is the Blues.

This morning as I was rocking him and talking to him after a bottle, Etta James’ song “At Last” came on and it brought me to tears.  Such a beautiful song that pretty much encompasses the emotions of our adoption.  At last…it’s been such a long journey getting to this point, where he is smiling in my arms.  At last..he is finally here.

“At Last” by Etta James

At last 
My love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song
Oh yeah yeah At last

The skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clover
The night I looked at you

I found a dream, that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to press my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known

Oh yeah yeah
You smiled, you smiled
Oh and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
for you are mine…

At Last

Adoption is no easy journey, especially when it begins with infertility.  And anyone who says “just adopt” should prepare themselves for a smack in the face.  There is no just about it…you just run up to the store to pick up milk when you run out, you just do some laundry when you’re out of clothes, you don’t just adopt.

IMG_2606After seven long years of trying to get pregnant we decided, in April of 2014, to stop trying and grow our family through adoption.  This was no easy decision, we had been talking and praying about it for several years.  And finally in April we felt God was leading us to make this shift in our hearts and our minds as to how He was going to grow our family.  Then, leave it to God and his sense of humor, His perfect timing, in April 2015, Ace joined our family…one year later.

I remember the day we decided to stop the medical treatments.  We were at lunch on a Saturday, enjoying some South Carolina BBQ.  We had been talking about what was the next step, then we got into the car, and John suddenly said, “Let’s not go back, I’m done.  Let’s start the application for Bethany.”  A huge relief washed over me as my husband guided this decision.  And a wave of peace set in, as we started this new leg of our journey.

10 REASONS WHY I CANNOT JUST ADOPT

1. There is a birth mother out there that didn’t JUST decide to place her baby with a stranger, it took a lot of thought, a lot of pain, and a lot of tears.
2. An average adoption cost anywhere between $10,000 and $40,000.  I don’t know about you, but to me, that’s a lot of money…worth every penny, but we don’t have that lying around.
3. There are tons of options to consider.  Agencies: private, state, religious, etc. The age of the child: infant, toddler, older.  Do you: foster or adopt.  And then once you decide what’s best for your family, there are even more choices to consider, and when you think you are done making decisions, there are more.
4. It will never replace the grief I have for Poppy, the baby we lost to an ectopic pregnancy.  Or replace the heartache of not being unable to carry a biological child of my own.
5. All the paper work you have to fill out takes time, lots of time – getting pregnant up takes a night….unless you’ve been dealing with infertility, then it can take years.
6. The home studies are not convenient – sounds whinny, it’s not meant to be; but it’s a reality that others do not have to deal with.  With our agency we had to have 6 total “home studies.”  Three during the application process, and three after Ace came home.  These are kinda deceptive, they really have little to do with your home, it’s more about you and you’re relationships.
7. Because we did battle infertility before deciding to adopt, there is a mountain of medical bills we are still working through.  Plus the mental shift that had to take place from trying to get pregnant to simply trying to start a family.  That might seem small, but it is a huge shift in your heart, a hurdle you have to overcome or at least accept.
8. It’s nerve-wracking preparing for a baby to arrive when you don’t know when it’ll get here.  We were lucky enough to connect with our birth mom about a month or so before Ace was born, but even then nothing was definite so we were afraid to purchase too much for the nursery or even tell too many people.  But sometimes when you are adopting you just get a phone call that asks if you can head to the hospital, giving you no real notice at all.
9. There will always be more to his story than the average kid.  More heartache, more paperwork, more history and previous hurts – some that he doesn’t even know about yet.  Learning to navigate his story, telling his truth, watching God guide his life is an amazing privilege, but it’s not easy.
10.  Growing your family by adoption is a big deal, it’s not something to take lightly, please don’t trivialize it with the word just.
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4 thoughts on “There is no “JUST” in Adoption

  1. Well said my friend. Well said. I was blessed to watch you go through this amazingly difficult time and doubly blessed to see how God has grown your family. I have a new perspective having traveled this journey with you. Hugs

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