“If we persist in our own way, the Spirit of God will accompany us (Psalm 139:7-10), but we will walk ourselves right into a place we may as well call less-than-land, the place of God’s permissive will. When we choose to walk with God rather than off the path to handfuls of other options, we find His perfect will for our lives. We find our promise land.” -Beth Moore
There is so much comfort in knowing that no matter what, God is with me. Even if I’m being stubborn and running down the path of my choosing, He is there. But how much more encouraging is it to know that He has a plan for my life, and if I follow after Him I can find my promise land.
I believe that promise land looks different for everyone…especially when it comes to growing a family. And that promise land might not be what you think it should be. You may think actually being pregnant and conceiving your child is your promise land. But what if that is your less-than-land? What if His plan for you is something different, but all you can focus on is seeing those two little pink lines? Are you allowing yourself to rest in Him, and ask?
It took us a while to hear and accept what God had planned for our lives. But I don’t feel like it was due to a lack of seeking. I remember repeatedly hearing from Him, “you will have children.” That alone gave me lots of comfort. However, He never told me the “how.” Instead, all I heard was trust and wait, and you will have children….through verses, songs, other trusted friends, random books I was reading, random blog posts I was reading, my prayer times….it seemed like they all had the same message for me.
I wanted to share with you what God was sharing with me during a difficult time in our battle with infertility. And so I was flipping back through my old journals and came across this post from April 2012. To set the scene a little for you, the very next month we found out we were pregnant, only to lose the baby due to an ectopic pregnancy in the beginning of June.
Now, you might say, “2012 was a long time ago, get over it already.” Well, I’ll tell you two things. 1)Even though our baby was so young, it was still our baby, and I’m still going to mourn, and that’s ok. And 2)looking back now, I can see that getting pregnant was our less-than-land. Adoption was our promise land.
The following is straight out of my prayer journal on April 22, 2012…
Why do You let us have so much hope each month only to dash them to pieces when my period arrives. Why do I feel as though I am hearing Your voice softy whisper, ” you will have children” only to remain a barren wasteland. Why do You allow this difficult time to come between me and John, when it’s difficult for one of us to talk about it, we both kinda close up. Why does it seem that everywhere we turn someone is getting pregnant or talking about babies…just reminding us how we have yet to be able to have any.
How far Lord are John and I to go medically in pursuit of this blessing, and when does it step outside of your will? I know that is a question only John and I can answer after seeking you. Please, Lord, speak to us both, show us where Your will is, and where our determination and control start to take over. I want to stay inside Your will Lord because only there will blessings be found.
Help us both to not become bitter at you Lord.
(Often as I read my bible, I’ll jot down any verses that stand out after I’ve prayed. These verses below are the ones from that morning.)
Hebrews 11:5, ” By faith Enoch was taken up so that he should not see death, and he was not found, because God had taken him. Now before he was taken he was commended as having pleased God.”
Why was God so pleased with Enoch that He didn’t even let him die? Genesis 5:22-24, ” Enoch walked with God.” That is all we need to do to please God. Walk with Him. God wants our company. When did Enoch start walking with God? When he had Methuselah at age 65.
1 Corinthians 2:9, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.”
Lord, I don’t want to keep “persisting in my own way” if it’s not your will for us to become pregnant now. But how do I know when I’ve stopped walking with you and started pursuing my own trail? Open my eyes Lord, show me.
“God is sovereign. When all is said and done, He knows what will thrill my heart the most.” – Beth Moore
Matthew 6:33, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
Since this post is already getting pretty long, will you join me the next two Wednesdays as I dig deeper into these verses? Let’s see what God has to say about seeking His heart versus satisfying our own. Comment below and let me know.